jbanana | Entries tagged with heh

A work colleague asked a question about SQL queries, so I dug out an old post here about that. Problem solved.

But as one problem goes away, another pops up. I used some made up data in that post about animals, and asked:

Can a horse weigh a tonne? No idea.

As Me-From-Years-Ago had been so helpful, I thought Me-from-Today should return the favour. It seems the answer is yes, a horse can indeed weigh that much, and the largest on record is a tonne and a half. At least, according to Wikipedia.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Location: working from home

Two men came to decorate the bedroom that was (not very much) affected by the leak. I stuck a finger in a colour chart semi-randomly and picked a colour for the walls. It's a sort of red-brown, terracotta, but the name on the colour chart is "Roe Deer". They went and got some of that, and when they came back I overheard some of their conversation.

Bloke 1	Roe Deer
Bloke 2	What's the matter?
Bloke 1	Nothing. Why?
Bloke 2	You said "Oh dear".
Bloke 1	No, I said "Roe Deer".

I don't want a Mastodon account at oulipo.social for it would occupy too much of my day to avoid what is not said on that www host. Brain gymnastics ahoy! Discussion of things past is particularly tricky.

Two men come out of a meeting room. One is speaking to the other in a very positive tone:

...and you can change the colour of the...
the...
little rabbit!

Passed two people discussing some issue. One said "This is going to be a pain in the rump."

I think my bedtime will be big news tonight. I'm expecting blanket coverage.

I mentioned that I have silent office with other family members (mostly YC - the others aren't keen). Recently we started using a timer to check in with each other on progress - it's a good incentive to actually make some progress. The Vivaldi browser has a built-in timer, so I use that. When it goes off, it makes a noise like a cock crow, so we refer to the timer as the chicken, and a period of an hour is therefore also a chicken.

Today YC was doing some composing for his course. I said what I was about to do, and followed up with "...and you're going to write piano music for a chicken."

I hadn't thought about Bad Lip Reading for years, then I remembered the clip with Bush and Clinton, watched it again, and laughed until my ribs hurt.

Anyway, here's a transcript because I couldn't find one.

Clinton: We made a sorry attempt at tricking Alicia Keys into going ice fishing.
Bush: We could float on my dream shuffler. Them parrots have always jumped on me, and I actually hurt them.
Clinton: Bitch, everybody in here is safe from your crazy goat 'n' demon fear, and we will not watch the game.
Bush: Well, I'm braver than a lion. Now who's ready now for beer and doritos?
Clinton: You're fired, and the knives will be safe.
[fart noise]
Clinton: There you go!
Bush: I tooted.

The pandemic has been a big issue for the Flat Earth Society. They're concerned that social distancing could push people over the edge.

I mentioned the advert for the Sleep Meditations for Women podcast. I must have heard it hundreds of times now, and it's really winding me up. All while offering me a way to relax, as I realised when I was vituperating at the speakers. Well, the irony makes it a bit less annoying.

If you fumble the word extract, you can get extracat.

I didn't want any cats at all.

source

Spotify often plays me an advert for the Sleep Meditations for Women podcast.

"...help relax your mind and baaaady..."

Seen on the internet:

Sudden prayers make God jump.

A while ago I posted a lot of "amusing" locations from What 3 Words. Here are a few more.

Lost & found:
- Lost scout hike is at a house in San Jose, California.
- Lost kittens found - they're just outside Shanghai.
Politics
- Stop climate change in a river in Gabon
- Stop Trump today in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska.

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And unless I am wrong
You expected this line to be rude

Not my own work - found on the internet

Who wants to read about politics, pandemics and all the other bad stuff in the news when you can read about parrots being removed from display for swearing?

I got an email at work beginning "Space alert" and in my head I hear "We're under attack!" There's lasers firing and space ships whizzing around. "Gordon's alive!" (thanks, Brian). Obviously my job is to shoot them down before they reach the ventilation shaft. So we're doomed. "Open a hailing frequency!" Switch on your TV - we may pick him up on channel 2.

Oh, seems it was just a problem with disk space.

And I don't even like sci-fi much.

Current Location: planet Earth

By "Mobstr"
more

You would be lucky to get him to work for you.
No one would be better for this position.
He doesn’t care how many hours he must put in.
There is nothing you can teach him.
I refer him without any qualification.
Waste no time making him an offer.

There's a nice article that covers the source of some of these ambiguities: No One Would Be Better

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That bloke

Those words

Entries tagged with heh

How big can a horse get?

Painting

Mastodon without a particular glyph

Overheard at work

Overheard at work

Late night thought

Silent meeting news

Bad Lip Reading

Seen on the internet

Irritated, but...

Typo of the day

How daleks got to work in 1963

Targeted advertising

Weird idea of the day

What 3 Words again

Limerick

News story of the day

Space alert

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Writing a reference

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May 2025

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